written by Julie-anne Laird, Director of Missional Engagement
Christmas can stir up all the feelings — joy, gratitude, nerves, tension, hope, exhaustion, and everything in between. So wherever you find yourself this year, I’m praying for you.
If your whole family loves Jesus, celebrate with joy! What an incredible gift to gather around the wonder of Christ stepping into our world. Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus.
But for many of us, Christmas with unbelieving family can feel isolating, complicated or even painful. Maybe someone is openly hostile. Maybe they think your faith is a bit “cute”. Maybe they’re polite… but distant. Whatever your version looks like, you’re not alone. So many Christians walk into Christmas carrying a quiet ache alongside the celebration.
And yet — we’re called to love our families well. To enter the day prayerfully, wisely, tenderly, and with a good sense of humour where possible!
Our Own Posture
Prayerful – Yes, it sounds obvious, but don’t underestimate it. Keep praying for your family. We rarely know what God is stirring beneath the surface.
Humble – We’re only saved because of Jesus’ humility on the cross. That truth softens our hearts and keeps us from being self-righteous or defensive at the Christmas table.
Family – Whether or not you feel fully part of your earthly family, you are already embraced in God’s family. Let that settle your heart.
Preparation
Invitations – Some relatives may be open to coming to a Christmas service. Some won’t — and that’s okay.
Know your triggers – Christmas can poke old reactions. Think ahead about what tends to set you off, so you can choose peace over point-scoring. My kids and I once rehearsed what they might say to a particular uncle… and we won him over! Turns out his tough exterior hid a surprisingly soft centre.
Be ready for depth – Consider gentle “bridge” comments or simple ways to share where you’ve seen God at work in your life recently.
Gather support – Ask a few trusted friends to pray for you and your family leading up to the day.
During the Day
Relational wisdom – Read the room. Some relatives will feel warm and easy; others… not so much. Love them all intentionally. Each one is deeply known and loved by God.
Serve, listen, enjoy – Be present. Notice, laugh, help, join in.
Pay attention to the family “culture” – How do they speak, ask questions, show care? Can you gently meet them in that space?
Pray quietly throughout the day – Ask God for opportunities, but don’t force anything. Let Him open the doors.
Afterwards
Keep building relationships – Openness grows slowly over time. I once travelled overseas with a sister-in-law and nephew — it deepened our relationship beautifully, and genuine respect followed.
Reflect for next time – What might you adjust next year? Who holds influence in the family dynamic? What small changes could help?
There’s so much more that could be said, but here’s my prayer for you:
May you honour Jesus in your words and actions this Christmas — and remember that even when we stumble, He is bigger, kinder, and more at work than we realise. He works through us… and sometimes in spite of us. And that’s okay.
Keep praying. Keep loving. Jesus is with you.
